DREAM JOB: Director of Affairs for The International Dimple Relocation Program

This weekend my cousins all came to town for our annual Thanksgiving pig-out. My favorite cousin Wendy told me a story about how she applied for a job at a real estate company where the secretary's name plate on her desk with her title: "Director of First Impressions." 

What is a Director of First Impressions? And how does one attain such a position? Am I the Director of First Impressions of Aviva Yael, Inc? Naturally, Wendy inquired about the title, to which the DFI answered "I was promoted up from Manager of Handshakes." 


And that did not happen at all.

What did happen, instead, is that my entire family spent the remainder of the weekend making up amazing new jobs that we hope to someday be able to put on our CV. Here are my favorites:

"Assistant to The Vice President of Milkshakes"

"Senior of Vice President of Hiccups"

"Executive Director of International Business Development of Preciousness"

"General Manager of Attaboys"

"Associate Supervisor of Moustache Tickles"

"Senior Accountant of Indian Rug Burns"

"Cultural Director of Pouts"

"Cofounder and Executive Vice President of Spooning"

"Southeast Regional Manager of Bedtime Stories and Tuck-ins"

"Head of Strategic Planning for Eyelash Wishes"

"Global Marketing Director for Ponytails"

"Chief Executive Officer of Whispers"

"Chairman of the Board of Heart Tugs"

"Chief Principal of Fist Pumps"

"Midwest Division Manager of Shout Outs"

"Art Director of Smiley Faces" (this would actually, actually actually be a DREAM JOB. Thanks for this one Jolina)

and my favorite:

"Director of Affairs for The International Dimple Relocation Program" 

What's your dream job?